Sunday, 21 June 2009

Elsie can’t lose – he gets it both ways

Well now, here we have a chappie, let’s just call him Elsie at random, who owns an all cat clinic in Denver, he believes that “all cats should lead happy and healthy lives” and so he offers “Spays, Neuters and Declaws”. Oh what fun for the cats to be declawed, how healthily they shall limp through the rest of their days on ruined paws. He also says “we offer spays and neuters at an affordable price. We also provide pain medication and fluids in the price of every surgery.” Well give the man a carrot – he recognises the need for fluids and pain medication not only for necessary surgery such as neutering but it seems that even the cats subject to cosmetic surgery just might feel a tad of pain and so he includes it in the price, very big of him.

Now then, this toe amputating wonder boy has made a study of cat behavioural issues, and he’s getting himself a bit hot under the collar about litter box aversion, because he’s gone and found out that over 5.9 million cats are taken to shelters each year and that 73% are killed. And on this site there is this fact
Seventy percent (70%) of cats turned in to pounds and shelters for behavioral problems are declawed. (National Survey from pounds & shelters obtained by Caddo Parrish Forgotten Felines & Friends) source

So Elsie, lets do the math, 70% of the 5.9 million cats surrendered each year are declawed so I get that to be 4,130000 million cats, of which 73% are killed which is 3,014900 cats killed each year because of behavioural problems caused by you and you ilk who cut off their toes! This, Elsie, is what you cause:
“Behavioral problems frequently haunt declawed cats. By far, the commonest thing we see is cats not using the litter box. When cats have stress beyond what they can take, it often shows up as a litter box problem and declawing makes them stress intolerant, in general, for the rest of their lives,”

If you were doing that to humans you’d be a mass murderer sonny!

But never fear readers! Not only does Elsie cause this problem and cause these unnecessary, deaths – OH NO! He also solves the problems too because by purest chance he also owns a company that manufactures a special cat litter for cats with litter box problems, described oh so coyly as “wee problems”. Here is some of the advertising bumf

“Inappropriate elimination,” “litter box aversion,” and “house soiling” are just some of the kinder, gentler names given to a wee kitty problem—one that’s a leading cause of cat relinquishment.”
“The company (Elsie’s company) suggests that it may help
newly adopted cats beginning their litter box training, as well as
“problem” cats who’ve developed new potty problems.”

Well wouldn’t you just know it, those happy and healthy cats that have been declawed by Elsie are now lucky enough to have someone to solve their “potty problems”, and it just happens to be Elsie!

Now this must be a dream scenario for our lad, not only does he make a lot of money from making those cats happy and healthy by declawing them, he also makes a lot more money by selling the morons that own the happy healthy cats some special litter to solve the problems that he’s made in the first place! It sells for about $11 to $19 a bag. Looking at the fawning testimonials on his website it seems that a lot of people with cats with litter box problems have found that this Cat Attract litter is wonderful! Hmm, how many of them have declawed cats? I’d put money on 100% of them. Would you agree?

Elsie “won't say what is the active ingredient in the litter that makes cats more attracted to the box but said it is not catnip because only 50 percent of cats are drawn to that herb. Since he introduced the product in December, Elsie said Precious Cat has doubled its Cat Attract sales.”

Yippeeee Elsie is going to be stinking rich – he can’t lose can he? He declaws them and gets BIG bucks, and then if he’s lucky and they join the four million plus club that develops “potty problems” he sells their morons some special litter that only he knows the secret ingredient of. The man is a genius! He will take the secret to his grave, in a luxurious coffin because he's stinking rich, secure in the knowledge that he has made cats happy& healthy

Now, this is going against all my instincts and will stick uncomfortably in my craw because I do not want this butcher to make a penny piece out of the tragic results of declawing, but, if his wonder litter really DOES attract cats that otherwise wouldn’t use their litter boxes and if it saves the lives of even some of those poor crippled little souls then I’m going to have to start recommending it on Yahoo Answers. That is because it is the cats and their comfort that are of vital importance and not my hatred of declawing vets.

So here is the link to his site and the product is called Cat Attract.

God Bless those little cats that need special litter for their problems and give people the patience to treat them kindly.


  1. I say that his name is well chosen because Elsie is a "Cow"ard and won't share all the important information about his product. as a cat lover I won't purchase anything without knowing what it is made of.

    Also he gets the best of both worlds. He declaws them and then gets to sell a product that "helps" them to become attracted to the litter. Nevermind that their little paws are so sensitive after they are mutilated.

  2. What I think of this Elsie person is unprintable but I can say I hope he dies slowly and painfully and burns in Hell because of what he makes cats suffer.His wealth won't help him when his time comes as you can't take it with you !!!!

  3. This Elsie barbarian needs his licence to practice, revoked. Then he needs marinading in tuna juice and shutting in a room with a dozen or so hungry cats.

    Whicky Wuudler

  4. Before we marinate him in tuna juice we must not forget to amputate his fingers and toes, and then use a laser to stop pain and bleeding (yeah right) and just for his comfort some gravel on the floor to walk on should set the right scene for him.Stoggy