Monday, 26 October 2009

A little more light relief

Here is another batch of funnies, just for a bit of light relief from the usual way we spend our time online, all spellings & grammar are as they appeared on various sites.

The birds and the bees
1) your cat will have a baby. are you sure she havent married???i think you should take she to vet and chek up of her.
Well not many cats bother to get married in this day and age, they usually just shack up together so good for her if she has!

2) By the way he was kinda playin mature with a toy (dont know what it means but look like it not that good)

3) When my male cat was in heat he never sprayed

4)I have a female cat that is spaded .. she meows everynight about 1am ,, why ?
Gord knows but she seems to be a good timekeeper!

When can male cats start making babies?
when can they... you know.. stick it out and are inclined to do it when they see the female
Answers on a postcard as to when they can stick it out.

How to tell the gender of a kitten.
Look at the urinal area of your kitten

Telling it like it is!
Spotting a female is easy; if she doesn't have balls, boom, bobs your uncle, it's a female ;)

Strange doings!
My cat has been acting crazy for about 2 weeks now (sorry to bother you with my cats Qs but I need help) she seems fine (eat, drinks and plays) but out of nowhere she will scream BLOODY MURDER it makes me shake and have goosebums all over my body

Q Does your cat smile while they are sleeping? My cat smiles in his sleep ALL the time! It's so cute! What about your cats? :)
A Mine twitches and its lips cringe

Q I think I love my cat, we go out for meals and sleep together, is this normal?
A yes your a cat person and if the cat did not like it you would get a scratch on your nose and it would leave you ... unless you butted its feet then it might come back haha

Strange people!

I was talking to my little cat last night and I said "You're not my cat, and you're not my feline companion"
I said: "You're my little adopted daughter". Don't you think that's nice of me? :-) :-)
I do actually

I want him to sleep on my bed ,be next to me but he has a smell after he does a peepee.he is a male 1 year is birthday is 21/11/07
Don’t forget to send him a card folks!

Was Jesus a Fireman? Come again? (Pardon the pun)

Famous Cat Quotes?

does anyone know who said this?
Vol-au-vent WTF?

Cats’ names
Q Does you cat have a nickname, if so what is it?
A1 I call my kitty, "Bo Bo Head."
A4 Buddha (because she is fat)
A5 who said u have the rights to know wat our cats names r
A6 I call my cat "Kitty." Original, right? (:Her name's actually Cricket Luna. I sort of... accidentally came up with it.
A7 shitty itty stinker dinker doo boog boog bee boog
I wonder if that one is an outdoor cat? Imagine shouting that name to get him in at night.

Cats and their bowels!
Q How can i make my cat poop prooply in the cat litter tray? The other day he pooped in my lil girls wardrobe
A Show him ... poop yourself on the tray in front of him
Brilliant answer!

Our male has learned to use the toilet, without any training...and flushes it as well.

I understand they have to bury it but she flings it everywhere and sometime there are even turds that get out.
Aghhh!! The turds are coming for you.

Q Why does my cat keep shitting on my bed?!?
A1 he wants something especially if your cat is about 1-3 years old. Usually they want to go outside meet and nice girl have sex. The male cats like to have sex.
That was a very full answer, lots of detail there.

A2 Perhaps your bed smells like a toilet to him, change your sheets and wash them.

A3 a lot of males will do that if he wanting something u will not give him.
Quite true! Oh are we still talking about cats?

Q When replacing a cats litter box, is it true that you must buy a similar color as the old one...?
A1 Your cat honestly could care less about the color of it's crapper and is more concerned that there is one.

A2 Cats don't care. My wife died years ago and my new GF brought her cat and enclosed litter box. My 9 yo cat had no problem adapting to a new box in a new location
Sounds as though the cat isn’t the only one that had no problem adapting to change.

My cat also, crapping on the sofa too because it sharing it's claws.
With whom?

Cat’s piddling
Have never seen a male cat raise their leg and urinate like a dog does. Are you sure the cat did raise its leg? Ve haf vays of finding out if your cat raised his leg!

Male cats do not normally lift their leg to urine. I just did a Google search on:male cats raising leg to urinate I didn't find anything that said that cats will raise their legs to urinate, but then I didn't look real closely at the search results
After all that raising legs and urinating he didn’t look at the search results anyway

And dogs who work for the Royal Mail
Especially if it is a mail dog as their urine is far more pungent.

Cats wearing strange things
I know my cat has ear mits, I realize my other cats can and probably have gotten the mits by now,
A cat wearing ear mits?

My cat is leaving behind dark specs and cant stop scratching/chewing?
And a cat that keeps forgetting his sunglasses!

A medical diagnosis
Bouble eye lids is usually a sign of fever
Bouble eyelids? Again....WTF?

Back to the bowels
Q Why doesn't our cat fart a lot?
we smelled our cat's fart just one time since the 2 months she lived with us. Shouldn't she be farting more ?

A1 Its probly farting lol but you just cant smell it

A2 If I were you I wouldn't be complaining. Cat farts are rotten. It is like humans -some fart a lot and some not quite as often! Keep your fingers crossed kitty keeps the farts to a minimum. She is obviously a lady!!
Cat farts are NASTY!!!
As are most farts, of course. I’ve never met a nice one.

Strange remarks
please rehome the cat, you don’t have the patience, let alone the smarts to understand this innocent little life

I have a cat that i got from a friend!! he is cute but i wound like to know wat he is if there is any way than plzs tell me!!!
Hmmm, a cat?

I have had two cats since they were tinny :)

They have like skin or something inside their nails

When you clean the litter box just put it in a plastic wal- mart bag and tie it shut
I wonder if a Morrisons bag work just as well.

I saved the best till last
Would you get changed in front of your cat?
I would get changed in front of anything, cat, dog, spider. (Probably not a hungry peregrine falcon though, I value my dangly bits too much!)

Back to the serious stuff next time. Thanks for your indulgence.


  1. Just come across this, ha ha ha you have really cheered me up , I do enjoy your funnies for a bit of light relief !!!!!

  2. Now ear mits sound rather cosy to me!
    Thanks for the laughs Babz!

  3. This was GREAT relief, and so cool. Thanks for doing this Babz:) Enjoyed chuckling. What I want to know is why Hush Puppy insists on using his litter box the same time I am about to use the Jon? This is a very serious question. Purrhaps you can enlighten me with a blog:)

  4. Laughed myself bad man,thanks for cheering us up with your wonderful SOH
    Ed x