A unique experience? Declaw meatheads warning.

Recently I’ve been Googling, browsing and searching out vet clinic that advertise declawing, and there are plenty. But one particularly nasty one I’ve come across is in Arizona. I’m not naming it for fear someone takes their cat there but suffice to say it’s website is sickening (contact me for the link) the head honchos seem to be two women with loads of credentials but not much compassion if this is anything to go by and they are ably(? ) assisted by three CVT’s……. This is their opinion:

The Feline Laser Declaw procedure is much more humane than the traditional declaw surgery.
Oh yeah? Really? Sez who? Oh the two muttonheads who’s clinic it is.

Here’s their headline on their declawing page
The Benefits Of The CO2 Laser Feline Declaw
Which then goes on to offer
SAVE $100.00 during September 2009 and FREE Pre-surgical Examinations Call us today on xxxxxx (haha, I'm not daft enough to include the contact number, no way Hosé)

And here’s another gem:We are pleased to be among the first veterinary practices to offer laser surgery for your precious pet. (they wouldn’t get within a hundred yards of my precious pet I can tell you)

They start off by saying that cat scratching is normal behaviour
“Cat's scratching is a normal behavior that not only helps shed dead nails; it also provides feline communication by depositing scent from glands between their toes on to the scratched object.” Yup, I agree with that, they’ll get no argument from me. Except I’d have called them claws which is what they are, not nails (maybe they think we laymen wouldn’t understand such a difficult word as claw) or am I being pedantic?
Ah, but then they have spoil it by adding
“While natural to the cat, we at xxxxxxx understand when behavior modification (ex: scratching posts, nail trimming, catnip, etc.) has not been effective in deterring your feline friend from using its claws inappropriately and offer Laser Declawing.”

Your feline friend? Don’t make me larf. If it’s natural behaviour then that should be the end of it, never mind jumping in there and offering laser declawing… “Oh please let us help you by crippling your cat. We’ll even knock $100.00 off the price”

Look at this next bit with incredulity, it's priceless -
“Onychectomy (or more commonly called "declawing") is the term given to the surgery involving the permanent removal of the distal portion of the claw. Declawing is completed under general anesthesia. After the distal extremity of each front nail is removed, the paws are usually bandaged”.The distal portion of the claw?? The distal extremity of each FRONT NAIL??? What the hell are they on about? Extremeties of each bloody front TOE is more like, (who has written this anyway? The cleaner? Was she inebriated at the time?)

“Bandaging is not necessary when using the Laser!A brief post surgical stay in the veterinary hospital is often necessary in order to avoid complications. (bleeding out maybe?) The front paws may remain sore for several weeks. In order to promote normal healing, special non-irritating kitty litter should be used for 2-3 weeks.”

Well I’m confused here, at the top they’re singing about the miracles of this CO2 instrument of torture, then they say paws are usually bandaged and then they seem to remember that oh no, they needn’t use a bandage after all. The charred stumps are sealed aren’t they? And look, the front paws are going to remain sore for several weeks! Don’t forget this is "your precious pet” who’s paws are going to be sore by voluntary cosmetic surgery. In order to promote normal healing? What is abnormal healing? I reckon it’s healing around bits of bone etc that leaves the poor cat with mishapen painful paws for the rest of it’s life. The non irritating kitty litter that should be used for 2-3 weeks implies to me that those little stumps are open to infection for that length of time too, so much for laser surgery.

Time for another ad: Laser Declawing offers the safest and most humane method for declawing your feline friend

Using the CO2 laser instead of a scalpel provides surgery with a significant decrease in post-operative pain and swelling. Significant DECREASE of pain and swelling, they're both still there then? The laser cauterizes blood vessels as it cuts and sears the nerve endings, so these are the nerve endings in the extremities of the front nail which , if you remember, is what the inebriate cleaner wrote earlier, this allows our doctors to perform surgery without the use of a tourniquet and no postoperative bandaging is required. Back to the bandages, God they’re obsessed with *bloody bandages (*Freudian slip) Combining laser technology with local nerve blocks (localized pain medication), pre and post-operative pain medication your precious feline is back to normal activities much sooner than traditional surgery with a scalpel would allow. (What? Like, never, do you mean?) Call our office for more details. Like hell I will!
Now, this next bit is quite exceptional, so proud are they of themselves that they invite an audience

Because of our standards we are proud to offer you peace of mind when your pet has surgery by allowing you the following options:

You may stay with your pet when he/she is premedicated and wait while the sedation takes effect

You may watch the laser surgery procedure

You may sit with your loved one after the procedure during recovery

If you would like to have this unique experience with your pet, please tell our Doctors during your presurgical visit. Call today to schedule an appointment.

They are certainly offering a unique experience, at least ten chances to watch this butchery and maybe it’s a good thing because sitting with your "precious pet" and sharing it’s unique (for unique read inhumane, unnecessary, cruel, mutilating, crippling, etc, etc ) experience during declawing and post op pain and confusion could be the very thing that sickens the moron who has subjected his/her cat to declawing. But even so it’s too late for their precious pet isn’t it?
On their authorisation for anaesthesia/surgery form they make a huge point of asking for 50% deposit up front. Do you think this is possibly because when the owners see what is being done to their “precious friends” during the “unique experience” they are sharing they’ll pick the cat up and run a mile! Maybe.

Anyway, if not, when the precious pet has had the “extremities of each front nail” hacked off and the owner has shared the unique experience, they can take their dear friend home the next day and their children can safely do, without fear of reprisal, what the brat in the picture at the top is doing. Manhandle the cat!

My case, as they say, is rested.

I wish a plague of pustulating poxes on declawers.